Do I Love God?

It's the times that I'm most lazy with my life that I start asking questions that matter. Today, I woke up, read something, got ready to wash the car, then forgot, watched a movie, played piano, tried to record something, failed, then got on the computer, and here I am. A terrible day. Nothing worthwhile in it at all. I did absolutely nothing of consequence. I probably could have simply skipped today and never have noticed.
All this to say, when I have days like this, I start feeling...i dont know. Pensive? Almost depressed, but not quite so extreme. And I start asking all the questions that most people (including myself) blow off as irrelevent and unimportant. Not really the whole "Who am I?" junk. More like "Is swearing bad?" What's wrong with physician-assisted suicide?" "Do I Love God?" "What does loving God even mean?" Do i even care about my relationship with God?" Is God even real? Is it silly to believe in Him? What matters anymore? Etcetera, etcetera...

Do I love God? I don't know. I mean it's a nice idea. I love the idea about loving God. What is this love, anyway? It's more than words. More than actions, even, because good actions can have bad intentions. May
I was asked to pray over supper today. It's funny how my family does it. Sometimes we pray with our eyes open, alreay eating (at least i'm already eating). Sometimes we just ask eachother "Are you grateful?" and sometimes we do it the old-fashioned way--heads bowed, eyes closed, holding hands, that sort of thing. My dad asked me to pray. So I did.
"God. Thank you for this meal that we're about to eat. I pray that you'll bless it to our bodies." yada yada yada... Honestly, I didn't know what to say. Everything was going good in my lie. nothing wrong at home, nothing wrong with NTM, nothing wrong with my sisters back home. Everything was fine. So i just ended my prayer at that. Then I remarked something like, "if more things were wrong right now, I'd have more to pray for."
At this my mom looked at me and quickly responded. "You can always just talk to God about God."
I felt very...what's the word...foolish? To me, God had become some sort of Geenie (sp?) that I pray to only when good or bad things happen, and I praise Him or plead to Him accordingly. God wasn't a person anymore. He was my own personal Santa Clause.
Loving God consists of more than just praising Him when good things happen, and pleading to Him when bad things happen. Loving God means celebrating God, no matter what happens. Good or bad.