A Day

Today was a day, if ever there was one. I know there were lots and lots of days in the world, and there'll be even more! or less. But of all the days that i've experienced, today was the most day-ish of them all.
First of all was waking up at six o'clock. No... six o' ten, just because those few extra minutes of sleep mean so much. (They really do). Following that was the biggest breakfast in my life, which all tasted somewhat like bacon. I didn't complain. All of this was preparation foooooorr......
SAT. I say this word emotionlessly, because too many emotions are tied into those three letters, that i can't decide if a happy face, exclamation point, sad face, or angry face precedes it. I assume all three in one, but that would simply look like :)!:(:@. And that's just messy. So, as plainly as I can say it... SAT.
After that was the biggest sandwich I've ever eaten (They even named it after an underground railway system, so you must assume that it's huge).
And then occurred the moment that I believe will be memorable- probably the moment that made this day such a day.
It happened in Kohl's- the place that makes you feel poorer than you really are, because everything (even underwear) is lawfully over $20, and if it's not, it is "On Sale."
They were on the 70% off rack, among extra-large t-shirts and un-stylish blue jeans, looking lonely. I picked them up by the rack which said "30" on it. And you know what that means...Jeans my size. What? at Kohl's? No...really? Yes.
So I mozy on down to the men's dressing room not far away, so esctatic about the possibility of new jeans for under $20. Esctatic to the point that I RIP OFF MY SHORTS!!!!! and apply the jeans to the lower half of my body, where my legs are. And there I was, standing in jeans that fit better than any pair had fit me before, all for around $15. And of course, like all good children, my mom is there. I show them to her, and she makes the face that says "Those look amazing! I can't believe you're wearing those! They're AWESOME!!!!" and slowly nods her head.
And so an hour passes, of which I'll fastforward, because it really just consists of me, wandering the aisles, holding my new treasure tightly to my heart, never letting go. Never ever.
And so we resume our story at the cash register. (And I assume you're completely bored right now. But this is my story, and I'm telling it. So shut up.)
It was at the cash register that my mom looked down at the jeans of which I had the intentions of buying, and noticed that they were actually for the Female gender, and were never intended to fit my lower-body so perfectly and exactly. To this, I was completely shocked. My Mom swiftly makes the new law that she never wants her son to wear Female jeans as long as he's under her roof. And what could I say? I mean really, if I was alone, i would've bought them, even if i did figure out the mystery behind them. Buuuuuut, like the good son I was I agreed.
But it was at this moment that our cashier spoke up. He was an older man- wrinkled, glasses, tucked in plaid shirt and 1980's blue jeans. I wont go into too much detail, but I must say that I noticed something about him. The way he carried himself. It was very...femenine. His hand motions, his wrist movement, the cock of his head as he spoke- it was all just too...femenine. And his voice. Myyyyy goodness. The slur of the S's, the girly-ness of the vowels. All of these were signs that I could use to conclude that this man...was either brought up in a house hold of 10 sisters, or he was gay. Being as the 2nd option is highly more likely, I unfortunately and correctly went with that one.
And what he said....what he said, what he said. Pretty much he "scolded my mom," saying in his very feminine voice that "Teenage boys simply go through these things in their lives when they want to try new things. And you as a parent should accept him no matter what he does."
At this moment I felt the most awkward I have probably ever felt in my lfie. So with that, my mom and i both left...without the pants.
But oh the pants! I believe I shall never find a pair like that again.
And so that was the day of all my days, until the next one comes around. But really...I must conclude..
what a day.