Sickness could kill me...at 30?

Today was a sick day.
I was woken up at 7:10 by my dad...for some reason he asked me if i found any blank cd's... a question quite appropriate for 7:10 in the morning, i think.
So i stayed home, unable to talk because of all the gunk parked in the back of my throat. it kinda sucks.

I've been reading Crazy Love lately. it's one of those books that you can compare with a giant jaw breaker. So impossible to swallow, or chew. You just have to keep sucking on it...and sucking and sucking and sucking. and wait either for it to somehow get smaller, or your mouth to get bigger- something's gotta change in size.
But just recently i came across a challenge...i guess you can call it that.
Francis Chann (author) wrote that it was a good idea to read the gospel without any preconceived ideas- just reading it for what it was. SOOOOO... i am.
I started in matthew this morning. This is what i've gotten.

Matthew 5:3
God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

I think this is salvation in its simplest form- recognizing my need for God. Realizing how small, insignificant, and powerless i am in this forceful struggle called life. And then realizing how God is the biggest, most powerful, most amazing source. The source that i NEED. Realizing that without Him, life wouldn't just be not worth living, but there would BE no life. Realizing that WITH him life doesn't just receive meaning, but life is forever- eternal, beautiful.
By realizing my need for God, He blesses me with his Kingdom- his eternal Kingdom that He lives in. Just by realizing!
What follows after realizing, i have yet to understand. But i will act on this realization.
But i think realization is more than "Gee...thanks God. That's really amazing. I guess i'll just keep on living the way i want to. Sure... you're God. You're cool. Thanks for the whole sacrifice thing. Oh, and for creating me. I like me. You know how to create good-looking people. And for food...and my girlfriend. She's nice. Thanks for all that... But i'm really not ready to make any commitment to you right now... Just...get me to heaven for now, God, and I'll be happy. Maybe someday i'll shape up and read my bible every day or pray from my heart, or heck, be a missionary. But right now i'm satisfied with being lukewarm... i'll serve you when it feels good. I'll play bass for you in church...maybe sing a couple lines for you. that's always fun. Just please dont ask too much of me."
No no no no no. i think by truly realizing my need for God, i will realize everything that God's done for me...how undeserving i am for it... and then do what God asks of me- to accept what he's done, and to LOVE Him (which involves following his commandments...or...doing what God asks of me). "If you love me, keep my commandments." It's kind of a circle.
Anyway...

If i had one goal in life, i think it would be to really understand my need for God.
If i die at age 30, with nobody around my deathbed but a few worried nurses with needles in their hands, and i had come to a complete understanding of how necessary, how obviously dire God is to sustain me, i think i will have lived a life worth living.

But i think that is just the beginning of Christianity.
Funny...just the beginning of Christianity is THAT meaningful.